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diaryland
(I see dead People-}
{2003-06-04} {5:57 p.m.}
I have that problem you know. It's not funny. Well, maybe it is just a little bit.
But, in all seriousness do you see dead people? I see them from time to time. At night I'm afraid to look under my bed. I'm afraid to look behind me. I always look in front of me, and never beside me. I see a vision, and see it clearly. Sometimes I think they come looking for me. What am I talking about? I forgot. There goes my short term memory loss again. Oh yeah. Seeing ghosts- I see the shadows hanging on the walls. I see them with my secret eyes. No matter what you say, I'm still the same.
Seriously, my ghosts are my demons. I see them from time to time. They kind of keep me balanced. Letting me remember where I stand. Sometimes your demons can haunt you, or you can learn from them. Me? I suffer from them. I see demons from my past and it brings back hurtful memories. I just once would like to be able to look my demons in the face and tell them to go away. But, it's not that easy. They know your weaknesses. And, it's just not that easy to turn you back on your past. Your demons follow you everywhere. No matter if you move 1,000 miles away. They always have a way of catching up to you. In your life you can pretend that everything is ok, when you know it really isn't. And, you continue to live in denial.
I have found that living in denial doesn't get you anywhere. It only ties you down to more hurt, and pain. To be bound forever in the chains of heartache and turmoil is not something I want any more. I am so ready to break free from my past. I want to move forward with my life. A life filled with happier memories, built on a better foundation.
Have you ever sat and watched the sun rise and wonder what your day will bring to you and others? I have. Only sometimes what I want and what I get are two very different things. Nothing ever goes the way you plan it. There's always a detour somewhere. But, then there is always that other form of opportunity knocking at your back door. Don't be a blind fool like I was. Look at what you have in front of you and be grateful. I have found that taking things for granted gets you nowhere. Taking your family and friends for granted will only lead to heart break. I've done it. Trust me, it's not worth it.
With what family and circle of friends you do have, cherish them. Cherish them and hold onto them forever. You may never know when you will need them. For me I have found out that your friends and family are your life. The only thing is that I had to learn it the hard way. Never turn your back on your friends, because they will turn theirs on you. And, when that moment arises when you need that person to be there, you will only find that you are standing in your pillar alone. Where you once thought you were too good and better than anyone else you will soon see that you are the same as everyone around you. You will break, bleed and die just like the rest. No one is immortal to pain and suffering. Not I, and surely not you..