Don't speak. Let me in.

(Homer Simpson and the Drum line-}
{2003-06-02} {12:09 a.m.}

Let me hear you say yeah! Yeah you like it that way- the bitch got an eviction notice. Woo! My evening couldn’t have ended on a better note. *heh* So hmm where to start- well the past two days have been hectic. Basically did just about anything I could think of to keep my body from coming into any contact with that woman. Seemed like every time I was down here folding laundry she had to call me back upstairs. I felt like I was set on a constant u-turn with the upstairs buzz of a button set on rewind all day. I kept thinking I needed an exorcism to release me from this hex of one horrific bitch putting a spell on me – but I was the running man and she was the menace to society. If you look hard enough you will find Rose Mary’s baby in the pet cemetery- that’s where she lives. She is so ugly. Not by her facial features- it’s her nature. And her nature makes her ugly and I think she smells. Her house smells too- like two funky old women that smell like a cross between moth balls, athletes’ feet and chicken fat- reminds me of someone’s old grandma. I bet your asking me how I can be so sure- well remember how when you were younger and how your grandmas house always had that stagnant smell like the hospital [Band aids] and always smelled like home cooked food? [Well now wait my grandma never smelled like that- she was a rich hoity toity who reeked of stanky ass perfume and was one of those granparents that always wore those nasty ass plaid pants and stripped shirts- God help me if I dress like that in 20 years] Yeah well that’s what Lois smells like- seriously. She needs a bath. But not just any bath- someone needs to take her out to the Mississippi and tie her ass to the back end of a pontoon and take her for a ride- Who wants to be first in line? I have a huge bar of lye soap here- oh my that shit burns. Hahaha! Maybe I can make her body match her ass- it’s all red from me beating it all day- yeah. Not really though but it’s a nice wish to have.

We had quiet a few arguments today- she’s still trying to set a time limit for me to be on my computer. And well- that’s just not going to fly. I pay the cable bill- so yeah… but we all know what a push over I am so I really should stop bitching about it eh? Ehh push over Chrissy- here allow me- stand in line now as I drop my pants and await my next ass kissing job. Hardeeharhar... The beating of two drums pulsating to the thump thump as I envision whacking the shit out of two people here- but I force myself not give into the devious ways of my nature- by all means Chrissy what would it accomplish? Oh I know- A SMILE! Oh yes I would bow down to my demons and do the happy dance. The Hippie happy delirious yay! Oh yeah- that’d be me in a Motown inspiring moment. You better get out your cameras. It’s a once in a lifetime candid shot- I will even grin and bare it for you. How would you like to see the bright side of the moon? Yes I said bright side- not dark. My ass isn’t dark- it’s a mighty whitey. Now just bend over and pucker up witt’l babies-
Yeah- *Smooooch!*.

And the drum line rolls- and the camera takes the snap shot as the cars go passing by as I kiss your ass. No more push over Chrissy- now it all ass baby!

Yes, currently I’m in a celebrity mood- don’t come in and fuck it up or I will be pissed. If you knock on my door I shall just slam the door in your face as I return to my joy mode. I am going to go and sit over there in the corner with my thumb up my ass and wonder why I haven’t done anything creative this evening- maybe I should do more laundry- maybe not- maybe I will sit here and shout obscenities to strangers as they walk by-- that would be fun. It’s definitely different. I would undeniably fit the title of “Chrissy’s crazy” The delineated convoy of people are lining up to stroke my ass with a plank as they thrive to get on the ride of fucking over Chrissy. Here you go friend- my ass is in full bloom. It’s nothing Listerine can’t cure. It’s worth the time- every time.

And I need sex badly- and holy shit Lynelle stole my vibrator- I mean like eww what’s she going to do with it?

Some people now a days just have no principles- would you take something like that if you knew it may have been used? I mean it’s not like I did anything really major bad with it- it satisfied my nature than needed to be tamed. And Yes- I enjoyed it. But gawd damn- did she have to take it from me? It’s not like I was having this secret affair with my imagination, sexual fantasies and a vibrator as I did the boingy boingy across the bed.
*cough cough*
Damn her for stealing my procurement of stimulation. What's she going to use it for anyway? She already has over 200 sex toys- not like one more is going to help if none of those haven't. And she doesn't just have any certain kind of sex toys she got those nasty wierd ass ones- with the padded cuffs and funky spanking toys. She's a real mind twister. Woo! She scares me. A sexual sadistic whore with leather, chains, whips and handcuffs and god knows what else- Its amazing she got laid so much- no wonder she always walked that way.. she always had this crazy looking side moving tiwst movement in her hips when she walked- she could have joined the circus. Yeah yeah and she could have used her toys as a part of her show *ha* I kill me- her with her little hand jive toys and me without a little jiggle wiggle- that bitch!

Now I may have to resort to getting laid by the ex-nasty! I think I’m going to hurl. Meh- I guess I will just have to find a secret cove to go to; to do the finger diddly- maybe. It all depends yah know- the urge may pass. But I seriously doubt it. This is dangerous.

Maybe I should invest in some sticks of dynamite- or mold myself a frozen penis- but that won’t last long. It will melt! [Insert sad face here]

Shit – it's useless and my getting laid is now reduced to an amount of nothing as I hide behind a spittle of drool- oh my lord- I look like Homer Simpson... only thing missing is the beer and doughnuts. And once again the drum line rolls…

preventry nextentry