Don't speak. Let me in.

(I feel like yelling and screaming but who would hear me?}
{2003-06-05} {12:30 p.m.}

I’m done, its done- finished and whatever.

I don’t even know where to begin and I don’t really think that I want to.

I’m far from being a perfect soul.. I will never be up to par [as I put it]

And so I’m done- I feel like all I have been doing is trying to compete with a large mass of nothingness. I lose and then I win- it is all a game of tug of war – its breaking me and I’m tired of being this way.

Things I say can’t be taken back and yeah – everyone feels the way I’m feeling right now- I want to talk to someone but I can’t because no one really hears me. Inside I scream and shout and vent to lost air trying to poke my way through to something- but whatever has been lingering here is still here. I can only hope that things will change as time passes.

I close my eyes and imagine that everything is a dream and often times wish this diary wasn’t so real and that it wasn’t my escape into reality. I don’t like me. And I’m done trying to express myself.

It's been a rough road baby- It's time to just let it go.

preventry nextentry