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(Irresistibly charmed-}
{2003-05-23} {2:48 a.m.}
If you can’t remember the review I got from Prowling Leo at Quite Nasty Reviews take a look before I get started on this entry. I do believe its going to be a doozie.
Because of that review I have been talking to her as much as I can [when she’s available that is] She has helped me a lot and she doesn’t even know it. I relish over the importance of her words when we talk because she has this very special way of making me see things in a different light. Helping me transform myself into a better version of myself, while we talk- even if it’s for that short amount of time. The renovating effect she has on me is simply awesome. I have tried to overcome my fear of thanking her for her gratuitous nature but have never got around to it, because I thought it would be too emotional or something just as equally lame. She has helped me realize that I am here for me- and not here to please others or listen to the unconstructiveness that I usually always get from other people who don’t try to understand me. Her enthusiasm comes shining through in such a radiant form I can’t even begin to describe it. It’s like being able to walk on a shade of silver layers embracing a beautiful tone of a better existence. Her nature is one that will win you over almost instantly. She has this warmth that she gives you that opens your heart to things that are far more realistic than not. Like an Angel with out stretched wings of mercy, she is there to help guide me. Talking to her helps me realize that it’s not too risky for me to be alive. The perilous natures I feel of feeling unsafe subside into a blur of innocence.
I know that I have said a lot of things about a lot of people that have held a huge impact on me- and they all do. They just each have their own significant impact on me, with each their own profoundness, as it embraces me. It’s with each and every single person that I talk to that keeps me strong and outspoken in my weary existence of emptiness. When I am feeling really defeated, yes; I run to her. I can’t explain the importance that my body embraces her in- I just know how surreal it is for me right now. I live off her words as my body often craves for her acceptance. It’s like an ominous hunger waiting to be fed in uplifting words at a very momentous time. All of the trivial things I feel vanish when I talk to her. There’s a considerable amount of importance that she holds as my heart grasps onto her major subsistence in my life [at this moment in time] Without reminiscing her words it would be like death starving a young soul thriving to grow, recollecting over forgotten memories.
She reminds me of a forgotten blossoming flower emerging into an embryonic rosé. Teal petals of sweetness flooded with devotion only I can capture. Shades of ivory tapping on forgotten keys inundated in an idle position as I am left in amazement. I marvel at her sense of nobleness as she graciously welcomes me for who I am. There’s such a profound politeness in her gallantry as she daringly tries to escape her world into another world to help others; like me.
She’s a tender soul in the making as she leaves a historical mark on my soul. My faded heart is not of that when we chat. The dull discolored feeling I have completely washes away the dirtiness polluting my soul as she leaves me spellbound time after time. She truly has a mesmerizing captivation about herself that she will never really know that I see within her. I guess its for me to live in and for her to wonder why I have such an enormous amount of appreciation.
She is Melody- just like the words meaning. A low soft tune; that sings like a piece of music on my soul. Songs of harmony yielding in beauty as the exquisiteness of her words captivates me and take me to a better realm of believing. Yes – this is Melody. A silent song that replays in the back of my mind everyday; helping me and healing me. She truly is strikingly beautiful.
She had made a comment in her diary about not being able to accept compliments very well. I hate to ponder on the thought that this would have on her.
I even left her a comment in her diary:
“Its very difficult for me to accept something gracefully in the form of a great compliment. Just like when you did my review- wow- - the way you described me openly just opened a ton of water works. I felt for the first time that someone actually found the real me in my diary- even after all of this time I thought I was hiding behind something. I never realized how much I want to embrace compliments until I receive them and then I am in denial. I can’t say I feel the same way about myself as you, or anyone else. But all the same there is so much gratitude here wanting to get out and thank you for what you have helped me with- I just never have because I was afraid that it would be too much, or too emotional or what ever. Maybe I will get around to it today- maybe. I just fear rejection afterwards- yes, I know I'm weird. But you still love me~”.
And there you have it. My thank you and my gratitude. I know it’s a bit overwhelming; but it’s truly how I feel- because this is how she makes me feel. And with that I am proud to be a model of me.
And there she is – molding and changing the way my world is when I sleep…-hoping that she doesn't tire of me.