Don't speak. Let me in.

(Dreams and the Heart of Me}
{2003-09-12} {12:28 p.m.}

Dreams... dreams are magical and mystical things aren't they? Candid snapshots of crystal clear images; they move you off track- telling a story of fables inside your hearts deepest desires. [That fire of your deepest wishes] In those dreams you can feel everything's that hidden and covered up on the outside. That fire that would flame high, then die away to nothing but ashes. Crashing against your insides like waves pounding against the shore of your heart, romantically, fascinating your dreamy eyes. Breathe sobbing out of your lungs, set to grieving by fear and loss, still whispering your name; releasing just long enough to slide the door back open.

You can bide in that place of your dreams, a long and lonely time; and still feel the burn of love, the joy and ache that remains. It's so easy for love to hide itself under passion and never be recognized. Most would say it's easy to mistake passion for love; and that's true enough. It's both brave and crazy. But for me, I fear the fire even as I long for it. And fearing and longing, never looking into the flames of the jewels that wait for me. The strength and heat, the flash of fire in the belly that comes just before release. Dreams of a blue heart that beats steady and strong deep in the ocean of emotions.
Vulnerablity. I never realized that being vulnerable to someone else could be so beautiful. Safe and warm and lovely.

Isn't it quite amazing the thrill of delight you can quench your thirst with in just a dream? That magic spontaneity, fear and lust of wishes taking you on such a mysterious, puzzling ride. The feeling of compassion turning to warmth, to passion, to love; bringing on the heartache of joy and misery. Breaking down your defenses, exposing yourself to the haziness of ecstasy- even the words that are said between you and your dream, your love - waiting to build up some kind of hope inside of you, me. Then you hold those dreams in the palms of your hands like jewels, those burning sapphires of your hearts' desires that were once left on the bottom of the sea.

Dreams. Can't they become your declaration of love once discovered? Answers to the questions you still haven't found?

Love...
Why is it when it finally happens, you lose your heart to the one who isn't dazzled by you? One who isn't as eager as a puppy to please? Who didn't promise the world on a silver platter, even if those who had done them most often hadn't had the platter, much less the world, at their disposal. When you're in love with them, why can't they love you back so everything can just be lovely?

Damned perverse dreams.

I never thought that I would lose my mind. That I could control this, that I was stronger than the dreams you escape through. It's burning within me- the fear of you running away and that I will be left behind waiting for you to return. I'd rather stay lost in the dreams that fill me with the warmth of you embracing me in my sleepy hours, as I wake with shudders of calmness as you ease away the pain of longing; left with my heart beating, yearning as I dream of only you.

Close your eyes and unwind with me won't you? Travel with me on that bed of lavender lilacs. Follow that sunbeam flowing into your mind; dancing off of your soul, beating into your heart. I know you still look at the stars- If I could be your dream I would be your vision in the darkest of nights. If a hug represented how much I loved you, I would hold you forever.. but that isn't enough for me.. wishes and dreams.. I'd much rather have you.

All I can say is this: Dreams are a burning kiss on your heart of the one you will love forever. And yes, I learned that all on my own. [Don't give up, I'm not giving up on you] One more thing - tomorrows my birthday.. yeah I'm not excited either. So then I leave you with a smile- good day then.

preventry nextentry