Don't speak. Let me in.

(Say what?}
{2003-09-03} {7:15 p.m.}

I have nothing to say.. I wish I could tell you exactly how I am feeling at this moment, exactly what made me feel like this and how I felt at exactly that moment... but of course I cannot...Hope is supposed to be something "wonderful" isnt it?.. where the hell is it and why has it escaped me?

I thought that this move was going to be a great thing for me.. but all I have ventured from it thus far is major heartache and why do I constantly torment myself about that Bitch? She doesnt deserve to linger in the back of my mind after everything she put me through.. . *looks at floor*

Lois why do you still haunt me? Why do I still look over my shoulder thinking you're going to be there ready to pounce me like always and rip my heart to shreds? Have you controlled me for so long that I cant see that I am in control of my own emotions, and that you're not? If thats so true then why are you still here? ..

I wanted to have progressed much better than this.. I wanted to do better not degress... someone asked me today what has happened to me.. I wish I knew... I suppose that if I knew the answer I would know what to do about it, but of course I dont because all I do is keep my eyes closed in fear of rejection.. all I want is for someone to love me...

preventry nextentry