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diaryland
(Only a Fool}
{2003-08-27} {2:19 p.m.}
It's like I'm falling from a mountaintop, my heart keeps pounding and it won't stop and sometimes I don't want it to. Because with you I am free.
I feel that you understand that part of me.. this distance but closeness that we share with each other. Do you feel that closeness to me that I describe to you? I really really feel that you do and you wish for more, like me; but know that it's not possible at this moment. I try not to think about you but my heart won't let me. My mind seems to go over board and changes positions with the world rotating on its axis and then I feel like I am coasting on something unreal. Does this ever end - this feeling of wanting and needing and never getting anywhere? What do I have to say to make you understand?
I close my eyes and dream that you are here so much it makes me cry... it's all just too hard to handle. Sometimes late at night I will lie on my bed and close my eyes and swear that I can see your image standing before me and when I open my eyes you're gone.
Am I too old to dream? Am I silly to feel all of these feelings that I feel just from the few words you have said to me - the ones that I read over and over again so much that I almost know them by heart? I want so much but recieve so little and yet I still love you as much as I do and wonder if you're thinking about me too.
I will never be able to put into words what I want to say. Nothing will ever come out right and I will always look like a fool. Open my mind Jessie and read the words from the thoughts that are spinning inside of me so I won't have to hurt so much anymore...