Today I felt something that I haven't felt in a really long time. Hate... I hate everything about me- again. I never wanted to be this way again. I never wanted hate me or anything about me again. But here I am after 3 days of fighting 2 days of crying feeling hate towards myself every time something goes wrong. Why is that no matter how hard I tryI still fail? No one cares about me at all... and if tehy do I think its out of pity. I don't want you or anyone else feeling sorry for me. What is there about me tha is so wrong that you can't liek me for who I am? I don't cry on your shoulder, I lend mine when its needed. I don't push people way when they need someone to listen. But who is ever there for me when I need a shoulder? I miss all of the people I talked to on the net. At least they knew how to be there for me when I needed to talk. I have never felt so alone than I do right now. All of this reminds me of the words I heard in a song yesterday.. when I first heard it I didnt think too much about it until I really listened to it and as soon as I realized the meaning of the words tears started falling down and I knew I wasn't meant to be. If I was I wouldn't be treated the way that I am... I just keep falling down and where I thought my memories would be safe and sound they bounce back and bring me downhill; making me wonder id I can heal or make it through one more day.

Can I make it through the rain without my tears falling? I need help don't I? I need to find myself somewhere floating though time where nothing matters, where words don't matter, feelings are obsolete and I don't matter...

preventrynextentry