index
older
profile
book
notes
cast
Links
Rings
Reviews
render
diaryland
(Useless Ramblings-}
{2003-04-05} {4:48 a.m.}
Now onto to other things...
I went to see Dean Stone yesterday, someone that is another State Attorney. He handles juvenile cases, and dismissed all of my truancy issues Yaahaw! Now I know you don't know who Dean is, but don't feel bad Neither do I. Andrea works for him. She was actually nice to me yesterday. Asked me how I was and other stuff of that nature, and as mean as I wanted to be to her I wasn't. I guess I am better than her. [Well, not really. I'm not better than anyone] As she was talking to me and being friendly I was thinking to myself "What the hell??" And I wanted to know what she wanted. Because she has done nothing but give me the cold shoulder for 2 months. Wow. It's been that long already? Amazing. And look, I didn't kill myself over her. That's a bonus. For whom tho? Not for me. Maybe it's a bonus for you because you still get to read into my life of crap. You must like drama. I hate it. But it seems like I am surrounded by it anyway.
On another note, I haven't been able to talk to Syn for a while. One because she doesn't answer her cell phone, and 2 because she changed her mesage thingy to something about answering her phone after 9. And, she knows I can't call her that late. So it all sucks major poo. She knows I can't call her. So I dunno I feel like it was deliberate towards me, but how do I know? Because I don't. I think it's also because of her minutes on her phone. So, I don't know how I will ever get the chance to talk to her again, and I don't know if I will get to go and see her. I want to see her and be with her, and she knows it; and I know she wants to see me too. It's just awkward. All of it. Spring break for my kids starts on the 11th but I wasn't going to leave til the 13th to go and see Syndi But now I don't know what the deal is. If I can't talk to her what do I do? Loving someone so far away is so strenuous. So many times I think how much it sucks. I was rather happy when she had a computer. We talked everyday. And, I...just...dunno. If she is trying to work things out the "asshole" all she has to do is tell me and I will leave her alone. And, in if in case you are all wondering if I have gotten laid yet, the answer is no. I told you I wasn't going to. I would like I am cheating on her. And, I still feel that way. I just wish I knew what she wants or what she is wanting. I left her a message yesterday. I told her that I missed her and how I thought maybe she wanted nothing to do with me because of her phone change. I told her how much I missed hearing her voice and how much I missed seeing her face.
When we would talk on Yahoo she always had her cam on, so it was always the best. I took her picture and made it the background for my computer. Talk about being obsessed...geez.
I still have those wild sex dreams too. Yesterdays was a doozie. But I won't devulge any info because it hurts some people, so I have made a compromise not to write about my dreams in here anymore. I don't want people to be upset.
I saw Paul Mangerie yesterday as well [my Attorney] and we waited for about an hour for the girls to arrive but they never did. I wonder what happened there. I swear the people that work for the state are fucked up. They tell me that they will pick up my girls and then they don't. What the hell. Anyway, finally at 2:45 I went into his office and we talked about some things with the case and I left more confused than I was when I entered his office. I'm so messed up. I can't even remember the dates of the places that I lived. How swell is that? He said it didn't really matter, but then I am confused about the girls' ages when all of this began. I have seen the photos. I know how old they are in them, but by some weirdness he says that more happened when Samantha was 9 and Heather was 7 it is just mind blowing. I dunno. Either way he said it doesn't matter because he's going to go prison anyway. I don't know why the ass fuck won't just take the plea. It would be alot easier on me, and less strain for the girls. Especially Heather. Because she suffered more. She was basically his "chosen"one. Oh my God the things he did to her. She will be scarred for life. I just know it. That poor baby. I wish I knew what to do to take her pain away; but, I do not. I just hope she knows that I will always be here for her.
Well, it seems that I have rambled on long enough. I want to go back to bed, anyway.
Tata all. I will keep tou posted of the events at Miss Bitches house too. Lots of drama will be coming from there.