Don't speak. Let me in.

(Sweetness-}
{2003-03-03} {12:32 a.m.}

Tonight I went to church...yeah church :D
I did listen to what was said...talked about "depression"...ehhh... saddened me a little and then I cried but mehh it's okay
What I did do lol was pass notes back and forth with Hopie and Kristin
Yes, yes I know.....shhhh
I'm gonna tell you what we talked about hehe :)
Me: I'm sorry that I haven't been here more.I know that I should've have started coming back a long time ago. Please forgive me I love you as a sis and want to be as close to you as I can be.
And, I'm also sorry that I haven't been here alot more for you as a friend.Everything that you have guided me thru and helping me be stronger...I could never repay. Not even the best words could come to my mind to tell you how sorry I am-and, greatful for.
No matter what I do in good, or faults;you are always in my thoughts.
Thank you for being the friend that you are, I truly do love you :) Always and forever
***Huggers***
(Now smile for me and make me happy)
Hopie: Wow. Thank you so so much, but you don't need to apologize. I'm just happy that you're here tonite.
It's hard for me to think that I even made an impact on you life. I love you so so much. -Hopey-
Me: Just knowing how much you care for me means enough to me to know that I can do better, and move forward and become alot stronger.I know that I have kept you in the dark about so so much in the last 3 months-the reason I did was because I didn't want you to worry anymore.
I always thought I held you back from so many things, and thought that I was bringing you down with my depression (my pitty cesspool)
I lost Andrea because of my problems, and I refused to let the same thing happen with you and Kristin. You 2 are a Godsend thatI just can't let go. I don't want our friendship to be based on feeling sorry for me.
It took me a long time to finally realize that Andrea was a "reason" and a "season" in our friendship. Even as much as it hurt to let her go, it became obvious that no matter how hard I tried to rectify things; I just couldn't regain her trust, and my friend.
I have just recently let her go. I do think about her from time to time-but, it only makes me hurt inside.
After I opened my eyes, I knew that no mater how much she hurt me I knew that I will always love her.
Do you know who taught me how to forgive?
You and Kristin and Gayle did. Even tho I suffer from being Bi-polar, and the things I do-in my worst moments I think of the important people in my life: You, Kristin, Gayle and Nikki and some other "few" friends and my kids.
I **heart** you and Kristin and all of my friends so so much I could never let you go.
I will always do my best to be here for you, even if I don't know what to say in your time of need. I will always be here-if you will let me...
Now, I really have no other friends in my life other than you and Kristin and my "internet" friends in my life.
I've lost everyone else because of my illness, and problems.I'm glad that you and Kris never turned away from me. I will always love you both. I know that we (3) have a huge age difference between us-altho I have never looked at it as nothing more than a number; soon enough you will be moving away to be on your own-surely knowing that we will lose contact with each other. It's a normal thing. It happenes all of the time. But, even in that moment and at that time-I will always hold you and Krissy close to my heart.
You entered my life when I sent out an unknown prayer; never even knowing that things would have been where they are today.
God sent you to me for a reason, a season, and a lifetime.
My lifetime to remember all of the great inspiring things that you both have taught me-from within, moving to the outside.
Even the most perfect poem, with the most exquisite words would never be able to define my gratitude.
I just want to be here for you if you will have me. My only way of being able to repay you both for all you have done.
I love you so so much. I don't even think of you as daughters anymore-sisters, now.
If I lost you and Kris I don't know whatI would do.

Mehh...oh well. I have rambled on long enough and now my hand hurts. LOL!
I love you both!
-Muah-
Kristin: Thank you Chrissy! I love you, too!
And,you will always be in my life as a friend, no matter what. I promise.

But, you better some to church young lady. Hehe
Me: Yes, yes Mamasita LOl!
And, then from then on we just goofed off and tried not to let Pastor Darren notice. I don't think it worked
-Ciao
-Whipped cream and chocolate-

preventry nextentry