Don't speak. Let me in.

(Why?? Why today? Why now?}
{2003-02-25} {9:57 p.m.}

Jessica says:

andi was just online..did you talk to her?

Chrissi.... says:

she blocked me

Jessica says:

bummer

Chrissi.... says:

it's okay

Chrissi.... says:

she blocked me last week

Chrissi.... says:

shes got me blocked on aol too

Chrissi.... says:

well, I can tell that you are busy

Chrissi.... says:

I will let you go

Jessica says:

dang..I know youre in a bad mood and shit, but you gotta understand I work on here, and talk to my family too. I cant just sit here and only read what you write hon. I mean if you dont want to talk to me unless I can give you my strict attention thats fine, but it's not neccesary on my part

Jessica says:

and im not yelling at you

Jessica says:

I just dont want you to think that because i dont reply right away that means I'm blowing you off

Chrissi.... says:

no no

Jessica says:

like right now i have about ten people harassing me .lol

Jessica says:

they are all family

Jessica says:

its hard to keep up!

Chrissi....says:

I dont think that and I do know that you work on here

Jessica says:

m'kay

Chrissi.... says:

and I'm not in a bad mood

Jessica says:

you sure?

Jessica says:

i would be lol

Chrissi.... says:

guess I'd rather have not known about andi

Jessica says:

awww im sorry

Chrissi.... says:

just makes me sad

Jessica says:

i can understand. sorry for being insensitive...

Jessica says:

i wont bring it up next time

Chrissi.... says:

you're not insenstive

Chrissi.... says:

I think andi is

Chrissi.... says:

she doesn't give me the benefit of the doubt thinking that I won't leave her alone

Chrissi.... says:

man.. crap

Jessica says:

she dont hold back thats for sure

Chrissi.... says:

Im crying

Chrissi.... says:

bugger

Jessica says:

awwww

Jessica says:

fuck her...dont let her make you cry

Jessica says:

listen to me..she had everything in her life handed to her.....and she cant even fucking finish two fucking elective classes to get her degree. this is not someone you should worry about

Jessica says:

dont cry

Jessica says:

it will be ok

Chrissi.... says:

I dont think so

Jessica says:

well, let me rephrase....

Jessica says:

it will be the way it is meant to be

Chrissi.... says:

yeah i know

Jessica says:

and you dont deserve a crappy person in your life that makes you cry

Chrissi.... says:

and I've already accepted it

Chrissi.... says:

and it hurts like a bitch

Jessica says:

awww i know hon

Jessica says:

have you ever read the poem about a reason, a season, or a lifetime?

Chrissi.... says:

nope

Chrissi.... says:

never heard of it

Jessica says:

ok hold on

Chrissi.... says:

I guess the way that I define a best friend is alot different than her

Jessica says:

it is

Chrissi.... says:

to me a bestfriend would never turn their back on you

Chrissi.... says:

ever

Jessica says:

ARE YOU REASON, A SEASON, OR A

lifetime?

Pay attention to what you read. After you read this, you will know the reason you found it! People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When you figure out which one it is, you will know what to do for each person.

When someone is in your life for a REASON. . . It is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist

Jessica says:

you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend, and they are! They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrongdoing on your part, or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk

Jessica says:

away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered. And now it is time to move on.

Then people come into your life for a SEASON. Because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They bring you an experience of peace, or make you laugh. They may teach y

Jessica says:

you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons: things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person, and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.

Jessica says:

It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

REMEMBER:

Work like you don't need the money.

Love like you've never been hurt.

And dance like no one is watching.

Live your life awake.

Live your life for you

Jessica says:

thats it

Jessica says:

that poem enabled me to heal myself from so much crap chrissy.....

Jessica says:

honest to god

Chrissi.... says:

it made me cry

Jessica says:

made me cry to the first time it was sent to me

Chrissi.... says:

seems like im a reason, not a season, or a lifetime

Jessica says:

no no no...dont apply it to yourself

Jessica says:

apply it to the people in your life

Chrissi.... says:

I dont have any people in my life Jessica

Chrissi.... says:

its just me n my kids

Jessica says:

thats not true at all..you have your children

Jessica says:

andi i think was a reason, and a season

Jessica says:

she helped you through some tough times....

Chrissi.... says:

a season for 2 years?

Jessica says:

yes....

Jessica says:

i have had friendships that have lasted longer than that and they went terribly terribly wrong

Jessica says:

not even necessarily because of anyones fault

Chrissi.... says:

I understand

Jessica says:

you should go to church

Chrissi.... says:

I do

Chrissi.... says:

just not lately

Jessica says:

go to a non denominational one, and you will meet genuinely nice people that dont preach at you

Jessica says:

oh...

Chrissi.... says:

lol I would love to see that

Jessica says:

now is when you need it most i would say

Chrissi.... says:

I dontwanna go

Jessica says:

i understand....

Chrissi.... says:

I feel like the biggest fool ever

Chrissi.... says:

I got too attached to someone not knowing that it would end, at least not this soon

Jessica says:

oh hon you are not a fool....

Jessica says:

i understand how you are feeling...ive been there myself

Jessica says:

but you are not a fool

Jessica says:

dont allow it to happen again.

Chrissi.... says:

I know; I wont

Jessica says:

thats my girl

Chrissi.... says:

I hate this feeling

Jessica says:

i know it sucks

Chrissi.... says:

I had my walls up when I met her too

Chrissi.... says:

but I dunno what happened

Jessica says:

just tell yourself she was in your life for a season and thats it....maybe you will have another season, and maybe you will find someone even better. a true friend

Jessica says:

oh its easy to get sucked in

Chrissi.... says:

somehow she knocked them down and I got hurt again

Jessica says:

Chrissi.... says:

She really picked a sucky time to do this

Chrissi.... says:

fuck I'm gonna be crying all night

Jessica says:

no you wont..youre stronger than that hon

Chrissi.... says:

not tonight Im not

Chrissi.... says:

with everything that's been going on

Chrissi.... says:

nope

Jessica says:

well honey, im not making this any better so im going to go. i have to feed hannah anyway. ill be thinking about you though. feel better sweetie

Chrissi.... says:

Thanks Jessica

Jessica says:

youre welcome hon

dammit,dammit, dammit....

**crying**

Why did she have to do that? Why now?I can't take it anymore...

I'm really caving and dieing inside.

(She came back...)

Jessica says:

hey chrissy, you know i just wanted to say that even though andrea is family, i dont condone how shes treating you...and i am sorry. i dont have it in me to be as good a listener or helper to you as andi was. i cant do that for anyone, but i do want you to know that i sympathize and you arent alone. ok?

Chrissi.... says:

okay

Chrissi.... says:

and yeah you are a great listener

Jessica says:

you will be ok.

Chrissi.... says:

I dont think so Jessica

Chrissi.... says:

Im literally dieing inside

Jessica says:

and btw, i was wondering...can you get your caseworker or someone else to be your payee?

Chrissi.... says:

yeah I can but andi could have asked me herself

Jessica says:

cuz im sure it cant be easy having to go there to get your $$

Chrissi.... says:

actually Im okay with it

Chrissi.... says:

I dont have to see her

Jessica says:

i have friends that work in illinois dcfs, and from what i understand....any caseworker can be a payee

Jessica says:

just thought you might like to know

Chrissi.... says:

I dont want my casewroker to be my payee

Chrissi.... says:

I hate her

Chrissi.... says:

after yesterday

Chrissi.... says:

hell no

Chrissi.... says:

anyways, andrea isnt my payee

Chrissi.... says:

I donthave oneIm my own payee

Chrissi.... says:

I was using her address for me cuz of lois

Chrissi.... says:

I asked jan and she said it was fine

Jessica says:

ohhhhhhhh

Chrissi.... says:

but, yeah...maybe I should get a p.o box or something

Jessica says:

YES YES YES

Chrissi.... says:

less contact with her family is the best, I guess

Jessica says:

dang....

Chrissi.... says:

my eyes burn.. I hate crying

Jessica says:

andrea and jan BOTH told us that they were your payee

Jessica says:

awww i know honey

Chrissi.... says:

lol

Chrissi.... says:

not even close

Chrissi.... says:

I wanted them to

Chrissi.... says:

but I was told that I didnt have to

Jessica says:

well im glad you didnt

Chrissi.... says:

it's okay

Chrissi.... says:

I know that Jan likes me

Jessica says:

at this point i would just protect yourself from further infliction....

Jessica says:

be CAREFUL of jan

Chrissi.... says:

why is that?

Chrissi.... says:

I hardly ever speak to her

Chrissi.... says:

and when I do she is very nice

Jessica says:

just watch what you say to her

Chrissi.... says:

Jessica says:

yes i know she is VERY nice

Jessica says:

but be careful

Chrissi.... says:

well, I have never sad a bad thing abour her daughter ever

Chrissi.... says:

I never had a reason to

Jessica says:

Chrissi.... says:

and when I saw her last week, she didnt even know that andi had ended our friendship til I told her

Jessica says:

well hon...im glad you get along well with her

Jessica says:

i have to get going. eric is harassing me giggles

Chrissi.... says:

okay

Jessica says:

huggers sweetie feel better

Chrissi.... says:

I will try

Chrissi.... says:

thank you!

Jessica says:

I'm crying so hard right now..I can't take it...cyah later

- The Loser-

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