Don't speak. Let me in.

(Drama.. and rap}
{2003-02-16} {4:26 p.m.}

Well...let's see. what did I do after I updated my page this morning hmm oh yeah I watched Unforgiven til the kids got home about 12:30 and Ben had dropped them off from being at Lois' last night. He was supposed to pick me up for this benefit that I was invited to from a friend...sorta lol
Well, anyway I went outside and he was sitting in the car and I got in and he said to me that he wasn't going to stay. And, I was like "What are you talking about?" And he said that he was supposed to go to the benefit too. And I was like "Why are you going to leave then?" and he said "Cuz if you stay I'm leaving." And I was like "Wtf is your problem? Why are you all mad at me? I haven't seen you in 2 days." And he drove down to the gas station and I said "Why can't we go somewhere out in public? Or is that just something that benefits you when the opportunity arises?" And as he was driving I said let me out and he said no you can go and I said why should I if you're going to act like that? And he pulled into the gas station and waited for him to get out, and when he did I got out and left and came back to the house. I came home and went upstairs and laid down on my bed and cried.I cried for about an hour I guess, and Sammi came upstairs to check on me and asked me what was wrong and I told her about her dad. Then she said a few things about him that pissed me off and so off I went to the bar where he was at.I even took his stupid movies back to him lol.
I get in the bar and I couldn't see at first cuz my eyes were blinded from the snow (damn snow) I finally located him and he was with that witch! So I walked down there, grabbed his hand and placed the movies in his hand. And he just turned his head and went back to what he was doing.I was starting to walk away and Lois came up to me and asked me if I wanted to talk her
**AS if!**
And I just shook my head no at her and Ben walked outside after me and he started crap with me and I was like "What do you want from me?" And he said "I want you to go away" and I was like "What is your problem with me? If you got something to say about me, say it to my face!" And he turned around and told me I told everyone in the bar that he beat my ass.. and I was like "Yeah so?Whatcha gonna do about it? Lie?!" "You lie about everything else."
And he said "I never laid a hand on you" and I was like lol! "Who are you kidding?! And I was just imagining that when you hit me and I hit my head on the door frame and had a concussion for 4 months too right? I was lieing when I couldn't sleep anymore cuz I had bad headaches and my sleeping patterns were out of whack too hunh?" And he said for me to leave and I was like ugh! you don't own this bar I can be here if I want to and I can go in there and get falling down drunk if I want to, and there's nothing you can do about it. And he was geting in the car and getting ready to leave and he asked me if I wanted a ride home and I was like okay w/e...I wasn't done with him yet so it just gave me more of an opportunity to yell at him lol. So I get in the car and he started bytching about something and I said "Why do you have to act like a child?!" I said "You have no right to yell at me when you of all people have absolutely nothing to do with your own children, you act like your 20 instead of 40." And he said for me to get out of the car and I said "Or what? What are you going to do?" and I mean he screamed at me "Get the fuck out off the car!" So, I was getting ready to open the door and he took off and I hit him and I said "For someone who so desperately wants me out you sure aren't letting me!" And he said for me to get out or he would drive back to the bar and I could walk back. And I said let me out then. And as I was getting out he called me a whore and I was like "Whatever! You gotta lot of room to talk Mr aww chrissy can I come over n see you I need sex person.. Don't give me that shit. I aint a whore!" And I said grow up and be a man, instead of acting like a baby. And he said that's right! That's exactly what I am! And I said "Of course you are...real fathers would want to be with their children. To be their to help nuture them and love them but of course you don't want them in your life." And he hit me, so I hit him back and got out of the car and I told him "Why do you have to treat me like shit? I dont"Yes you do!... Ben"Whoa! Don't even go there asshole! You owe me money muther fuccer! I gave you 300.00!! 100 to pay back yur boss for bailing me out of jail and you spent that on yourself! And the rest of it went to you and Tammy.. I want my money back!" And I said you don't even help support these kids! and he said well I don't have to we're not completely divocred yet. And I said like hell you don't! It's yur JOB! And he said well I can't and I said bullshyt! you make 60.00 a night that makes 300.00 a week don't feed me that line of shyt and expect me to believe it. I know better than that. And he said well if you would get your fat ass out and get a job I wouldn't have to. And I said "Oh plz!! This is all about Ben now isn't it?! It's all about what makes you happy. Well, guess what You will never amount to anything more than a loser and I don't ever wanna see you over here at my place ever again and don't come begging " And he said shut the fucking door and I said I don't have to do a damn thing. Get your ass out and shut it yourself. And then I just left and came inside. I was crying soo hard by this time I just yelled at everyone to get out. I was soo mad I was crying. I came in and sat on the stairs and just sat there and cried.

I hate him I hate him I hate him!
I am soo glad that I left him...Now its been about 4 hours since then and I'm still hurt by the things he said. I can't believe him... he's just an ass hole
Rap song I made up to Ben

Wanksta
Trying to be a man you aint nothing but living out of a trash can
You couldn't be a real father if you tried Muther fucker you aint nothing but a liar..
You target me as your last trick but you better watch it You still gonna get your ass kicked
Trying to act like you a gangsta but you aint nothing but a wanksta
You need to stop frontin cuz you know deep down you aint nothin
You and your bullshit making believe like you give a shit
Go back home to your dirty videos
Cuz we all know you aint got what it takes to get a real girl
You're a wanksta
So shut the fuck up
You need to recognize you aint a P.I.M.P
Don't you know cant fuck wit me
Everybody knows you aint a real man
Cuz you spend all nite jerkin wit yur hand
You and yur wanna be ho
Go back to yur blowup doll
I don't have time for a wanksta
Cuz all Im gonna do is laugh at yah
You crazzy mutha fuccin ass cracka
-Toodles noodles-
~*~Raven~*~

preventry nextentry