Don't speak. Let me in.

(I wanna Valentine}
{2003-02-14} {8:59 p.m.}

Hello all..

~!~!~ Happy Valentine's Day ~!~!~
Well, I had yet another crappy day, today. I have no Valetine... but, what did I really expect? No one really admires, or loves me. I miss Andrea like crazy. I haven't talked to her since Monday. I know I know...but, I'm not gonna tell everyone what happened between her and I. I just recently discovered that people don't like for me to talk about them in here. So, I'm not going to anymore.
I had an unblissful day, today. I missed by appointment to see the shrink this morning... no ride. So I went down to the neighbors to call and I called alot of people. I called the school about Sammi being out yet another day. Been out since Tuesday... she's got strep/tonsilits and has a madd fever.. she has to go to school tomorrow tho. I called my case worker after that and she gave me the usual "you're not a good mother" bashing. I hate her now. I never hear anything good out of that woman's mouth. She's soo judgemental! I have to go to a meeting on Monday to explain why I have crappy parenting skills (as they so delicatly put it)
Not looking forward to that. I don't like social services at ALL!
After thatI walked to Action income tax services and found out that I don't get a return this year... I'm soo majorly bummed. I was going to go to Canada in March on the kids' Spring break, but now I can't. Alot of people are going to be dissappointed cuz I can't go. Oh well... what can I do? Not likely that I will go n rob a bank.
Umm what else oh yeah...I went and talked to Ben today.. we had another fight about the kids again. He's not a good father for real. He doesn't want to spend any time with them at all. And, he wonders why they dislike him soo much. Whatta lark, for realz. I talked to Lois too...:S Not a good thing either. I made her cry.. I felt bad, but I finally had to tell her how it is between the two of us. I told her that I just can't forgive her for what she's done to me. She'shurt me so much in the past.. broken my trust and has lost me for ever. We were friends for 9 1/2 years... I always used to think that we were great friends, but thne again I guess not. I've tried to start over with her too many times.She asked me today if we could start over again, and I dunno. I've been thinking about it, and I just don't think thatI can go thru anymore hurt. I know she'll hurt me.
I want to talk ot Andrea, too. But, I won't allow myself to give in and call her. I just can't. Someone told me to just blow her off, likes she's doing me. But I can't do that. Andrea is my best friend; and, I love her like a sister. She's family to my broken soul. She can always heal what's broken and shattered. I know she's really happy with the man that's in her life, and I'm happy for her..really. I just wish she didn't ditch me all of the time. I can't be like everyone else and just turn my back on her...I want her to be in my life.
Well, enough of that I have to go anyways. I have to wash up the dishes, and clean the kitchen.
Ohh yeah one more thing before I go...
DCFS came over about 3:30 today and told me they had a complaint called in on me.. for smoking pot with my kids. I mean dammnit I'msoo sick of this now. Where do people come up with these lies?
Like I would actually do something like that! Ugh! I'm tired of it. I've had it with everything!
Well, I g2g
-schnizzles fizzles-

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