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diaryland
(This is where I tear my soul out}
{2002-09-28} {10:41 a.m.}
Ever wonder where you fit in, in life? I do **sighs** That's me today, and yesterday and sometimes other days before them. Lately it's all I think about. I sit and ponder why I am here and what do I have to add to this miserable life I have. I have a empty feeling in my heart and its soo heavy and it feels like I have someone ripping my heart out. I can't explain this dark empty feeling I have.. I feel like I live in this black hole with no vision in sight. I can't free myself from this darkness that overtakes me. Sometimes I feel like the only way to be rid of the pain is to take myself out of this world. But, yet..I don't. I know I have something keeping me here.
I want to know why I get this way. It makes me crazy and all I do is cry. This heavy empty feeling drives me nuts and I hate it. I just wanna die .. literally. It takes over my body and its like bleh! Then its the distance that's created between me and my soul and I just shred it to a million pieces by thinking about my past and I literally make my heart suffer... Awwww I wish I wasn't so sad. It feels like my heart is going pop out of my chest. I don't even smile anymore. Sometimes I think Thank God for Msn and Yahoo beacuse I can fake a smile with out people really knowing. This is bad isn't it? This is really really bad. **Tears**
I need music .. umm yeah
**heavily sighs**
I'm writing my feelings down in my diary so it can be somewhat gone. I am trying so hard not to cry. Dammit! Why?! Why me? Why do I have to be this way?It's so not fair... This is where I tear my soul out.. I still heavn't listenend to any music yet.. bah!
Well, yay I talked to Paigee and she said it's okay and that it will pass.
Yay!! Ivary made me feel better She's great. You can't help but love her. hehe And Asha wow sweet sweet Asha what a great chat pal. She loves me hehe I have soo many great online friends and they love me; but somehow I feel empty. Is it because they don't live here or is it just me feeling lacking in all aspects? I'm sure it's just me.. oh well.
I really really miss Andrea. **sighs**
Well, I really must go now.. I'm listening to music now...Keep Your Head Up by Tupac It's a good song yo. Don't laugh It makes me feel better.