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diaryland
(Passing Moments}
{2002-09-02} {11:45 a.m.}
Well, I talked to Paigee last night, or early this morning at 3 a.m And she told me I shouldn't hide anything from my diary So I was like but it's personal stuff Paige and she said that's what a diary is for. And, after considerable thought I decided to tell you things I haven't told you yet. So..here goes...
Well, I can go back as far as last summer. I remember some things from the beginning of the year but not everything so I will try my best.. I guess this part here will have to be in parts lol.. Dammit I hate this feeling I get when I feel like people are pushing me away, or just trying to quietly not tell me they don't like me.. err It's more frustrating than it is hurtful. I would just rather know the truth, yah know. Kinda like please don't play games with my effections, and emotions. When I realize that they have I beat myself down and tell myself I am not worthy enough to have friends.. I hate it. Cuz I know deep down I do have friends. Just not the ones I would love to spend some real live moments with. I mean, don't get wrong the net is great and all that but then I meet some of the most awesome poeple and it just breaks me down to know that I will never ever get to see them Ahh~! Life.. fuck it.. I just wanna give up..
But.. I can't. I have priorities, and they come first..
Well, enough of this rambling.. time to tell you about my not to so happy life.. Oh joy...
hmm well, we can start with Lois. She is currently my ex friend of 9 years/ landlord. I hate her with a passion. I never knew I could pocess so much hatred in my body for just one person. The things that she did to me last summer were just horrendous. (Unforgivable) I almost killed myself because of her. And, I would have let her win. I am so thankful for the poeple that are in my life. They were for me and pulled me thru. Especially Ella and Andi. Wow, what an amazing pair of Angels they are.
God knew I was going to have a rough and rocky road this past year (and, currently) and put them in the path of my life to help me. I don't think I would be here now if I hadn't have found them.
Well... this page is really long