(In my place}
{2002-09-08} {3:08 p.m.}
Think about this ..
Who's going to be here to take my place when I am gone? Is it going to be someone who looks similiar to me? Someone who reminds you of me? Someone who will once say something that will remind you of something I once said? Someone who shares the philosophy I once shared with you? No one can take my place I hope. I pray that I will always hold a special place in your heart, or hold some kind of special meaning. I wonder where all of this darkness comes from when I am eager to not so easily express myself.
Burdens..sorrows..pain.. heart break.. darkness.. shadows..images of a distorted past.. clinging onto what I have now. Even tho it isn't that much to me.
Who's going to remember me when I am gone? Who will cherish me? Who will love me? Will you say "Oh, I should have been so much nicer to her"? Sadness creaps over the very depths of my soul as I try and search for answers of things not known. Is life a foolish game? I see nothing for me. Nothing to gain insight on from my past. Nothing but pain and anguish. I hate myself, and everything I stand for. No one truly loves me. They just care. Knowing that brings such a sadness over me. I want to know what love is from another person. I want someone to love me. I feel that my life is full of nothing but sadness. The devil has taken a hold on my heart and is gripping the very life out of it, and squeezing what little bit of hope I have left out of me. I am bleeding from the inside of my soul and feeling no release from the darkness that has entered in to my life.
I want someone to take my place. Someone who will be better than what I am right now. Maybe that person will be loved, and cherished. I know I need to find me I just don't know where to look. I see no light beyond the tunnel of darkness that surrounds me. Where do I go to search for myself? And why should I? I'm already dead inside. Who's going to save me from this hell? You can't. I can't. The only person that can is the one that's going to take my place. When I sit back at count all of my demons, I see them laughing; at me and pointing their fingers at me. Burning in my mind and lingering over my shoulder... dragging me down. I just pray that everything's not lost.
"I never meant to do you wrong...that's what I came here to say. If I was wrong, then I'm sorry. Just don't let it stand in our way. Cuz my head just aches when I think of the things I shouldn't have done. Life is for livin' we all know and I don't wanna live in it alone".
If I told you that I loved you, would you be there at the end to tell me that you loved me?
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